Gov. Jim Gibbons today apologized for his use of a state cell phone to send hundreds of text messages to an alleged paramour, according to the Reno Gazette-Journal. Of course, this being Gibbons, he managed to screw himself even harder and deeper than before his apology. This from the newspaper’s story:

In his first comments since public documents were released detailing nearly 860 personal text messages exchanged between Gibbons and [the woman] on his state cell phone, Gibbons said his conversations with her centered on daily life.

He said he talked to her about his office, personnel decisions he was making and his tax policy. The pair also talked about her dog, her kids and other life issues, he said.

Gibbons said it was a mistake to use his state phone for the personal conversations.

“It wasn’t something I should’ve done,” he said. “When I realized the state was getting charged for it, I immediately ceased and paid the bills.”

OK, that’s it. You know what, governor? Fuck you, too! No disrespect, but that’s what we say to people who think we’re so stupid as to buy the kind of bullshit that’s being slung at us in the above paragraphs. But on the off chance that Gibbons is being honest (which, to be frank, we must discount as a possibility), a couple things:

1. They talked about personnel decisions? Really? Well then his “friend,” must be really, really bad at management, since Gibbons ended up with the worst gubernatorial staff in living memory.

2. They talked about his tax policy? What tax policy? “No new taxes,” takes up three words in a text message. What did they talk about for the other 859 messages?

3. “Life issues”? “Life issues”? C’mon, governor. That’s almost worse than Detroit mayor-style salacious messages. We’d have more respect for you if you admitted you were trying to make time with the lady via state cell phone than if you were swapping comments about that day’s episode of Oprah.

To sum: Gibbons denials of an affair are plainly unbelievable, as the huge number of text messages alone suggests a relationship far beyond that of “just friends” discussing “life issues.” (Hey, we at Various Things & Stuff have friends, too, and we don’t think we’ve sent 860 text messages in our entire life!) His apology and explanation of the texts only add to the notion that he’s lying his ass off, not only to his constituents but, if he actually believes what he’s saying publicly, to himself. This suggests — in bright, neon letters — one final, inescapable conclusion: The man is simply unfit for office.