Consider: My colleague Jon Ralston today found an op-ed in a Lake Tahoe newspaper in which Ensign — a member of the Republican Party, mind you — argues for fiscal discipline. Now, only a truly dedicated party member could say that with a straight face. This is the party, after all, that cut taxes while increasing spending. This is the party that gets angry when people get welfare, but fall all over themselves to give welfare to big corporations. (And Ensign himself has shamefully crusaded to keep illegal immigrants from keeping any Social Security benefits they earned while working illegally, despite the fact that many of those immigrants paid Social Security taxes during that time.)

But in this op-ed, Ensign comes as close as he ever has to criticizing his good friend, U.S. Sen. Harry Reid, saying the Democrats have abused the trust of the voters by their "reckless spending habits." Could this be the end of the Ensign-Reid truce?

Holy shit! Could Ensign be gunning for … vice president of the United States?

Before you convulse into fits of laughter, consider it seriously for a second. A secret source reports Ensign is actually considering this possibility.

OK now you can laugh.

Ensign may be the perfect candidate. He’s pretty, which Republicans think appeals to the ladies. He’s a veterinarian, which means there’s plenty of photos of him with cute animals, and testimonials from grateful pet owners. He loves golf and hates government.

But seriously, folks. Ensign, who is pro-life, could be the perfect balance to a ticket containing former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani at the top. Sure, Giuliani doesn’t care about abortion or stem-cell research, but look, his running mate is totally pro-life. (In fact, Ensign once actually said that a taxpayer-financed abortion was worse than rape before he "clarified" his remarks. You don’t get much more pro-life than that.)

Put Ensign with a Fred Thompson, and you’ve got a made-for-Hollywood ticket. There may be problems, however, if he’s paired with former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, since Ensign (a Protestant Christian) has likely been trained to consider Mormons like Romney cultists. Should Sam Brownback (a former Ensign roommate in Washington, D.C.) or Mike Huckabee get the nod, there might be a little too much Jesus on the ticket, but he’d mesh nicely with John McCain (McCain may be old, but Ensign is just a pup!). And his views on illegal immigration probably aren’t too far from Tom Tancredo’s. Finally, don’t forget: Ensign came to Washington as a congressman in the Republican revolution of 1994, led by another would-be president, Newt Gingrich. They’d no doubt get along.

It’s not quite fair to compare Ensign to Quayle, since Ensign is smarter (not much of a compliment, we know) and not given to Quayle’s verbal gaffes. But he’s Quayle-like in that he’s virtually unknown on the national stage, where we hear he’s trying to boost his image, what with heading the Republican’s Senate campaign committee and all. (Interestingly, and as a point against Ensign running, he’d no doubt have to give up those duties to be a veep candidate. Also interestingly, Ensign is mid-term, and would lose nothing by giving it a shot.)

In terms of regional balance, Ensign would be a plus, since McCain and Tancredo are really the only Western candidates. He’d help with Nevada, but that shouldn’t be much of a problem for the Republicans, unless Democrats are ready to truly embrace the Washoe-Clark strategy that’s the only real way to victory. And, if it happened, he’d outshine his friend and one-time rival Reid, who as Senate majority leader is the highest-ranking Nevada politician ever.

But there’s one more thing, sure to haunt the nightmares of Democrats, moderates, atheists, the ACLU, Jews, Hispanics, liberals, progressives, environmentalists, advocates of social justice, trial lawyers, unions, the poor, members of mainline Christian denominations and cockfight promoters. If Ensign is ever elected vice-president, there’s a chance he could be elected … president.

Of the United States.

Like we said at the beginning: Holy shit.