"Is that litter? Someone's gon' get fucked up."

September 26 is National Public Lands Day, and what better place to celebrate it than Nevada, where more than 80 percent of our state is publicly owned? Hurray, socialism or something!

And while it’d be loads of fun to mark the holiday by, say, beating up a welfare cowboy grazing on federal land or a mining CEO with a sweetheart BLM lease, the more responsible thing to do is help polish up some of Southern Nevada’s natural gems. For instance, Ash Meadows, which lies on the border of Death Valley, needs some volunteers to help plant native seedlings, pick up trash and strengthen erosion-prone stream banks. In Gold Butte near Mesquite, activists could use some extra hands to build fences and plant trees along a new trail.

And Lake Mead? Well, let’s just say that the summer frolics of the species redneckus nevadacus are over, and there are a lot of beer cans and cigarette butts to pick up. Just watch out for the voracious and wily mer-carp that patrol the lake’s turbid waters.

Check out the National Public Lands Day website for a full list of Nevada volunteer opportunities. The flora and fauna will thank you in their magical cryptic nature-language.