You know, we were just talking to the delightful Attorney General Catherine Cortez Masto the other day, and we had no idea she was even contemplating an appeal in that brothel advertising case that CityLife won the other day. (Oh, sure, our crack attorney — Allen Lichtenstein of the American Civil Liberties Union of Nevada — had a little something to do with the victory, too. But we have to say, we signed one hell of an affidavit!)

(You remember the case, Coyote Publishing et. al. v. Heller: CityLife and other plaintiffs sued the state over a law that says advertising for legal brothels is banned in counties in Nevada where prostitution is illegal. So even though the Shady Lady Ranch is a legal, licensed and regulated business in Nye County, it was illegal for CityLife to publish ads from the company. Since the ruling was handed down in July, the Shady Lady has been running ads in the paper.)

But today, we got a news release from Cortez Masto’s office, saying she’s going to appeal U.S. District Court Judge James Mahan’s ruling, which struck down the laws for a variety of reasons, all of them good.

But Cortez Masto sees it differently: "The people of this state have placed restrictions on brothel advertising for 40 years," she said in the news release. "In reviewing the decision of the federal court, I have concerns about the legal standard used by the judge in determining that our state’s longstanding limitations on brothel advertising were constitutionally invalid. To protect the will of Nevadans to place reasonable restrictions on brothel advertising, my office will appeal this decision. This will allow our state to clarify the standard for reviewing our existing law and could help the Legislature should a new law be crafted."

That’s it? The law has been on the books for 40 years and it’s the will of the people? (Technically, we should note, it was the will of the people 40 years ago; these things change, you know.) Plus, many laws have been on the books for a long time; that doesn’t make them valid. A review of those laws may have been long in coming, but to our way of thinking (again, we’re a plaintiff, so we’re biased) it packs no less a constitutional punch because it took 40 years to get to court.

The fact is, the anti-brothel advertising law violates the First and Fourteenth Amendments to the Constitution, as well as other court rulings on similar subjects. Mahan saw that, and we’re confident the Ninth Circuit will, too.

But you know what? We’re not at all upset. Because Cortez Masto is right about one thing: We all need the guidance of the Ninth Circuit, just in case the moralists in the Legislature try to craft an even stupider law the next time around. So, on to San Francisco, and to justice!

U.S. Sen. John Ensign’s always been kind of odd. His pre-political career was both as a casino manager and a veterinarian. He lives in a house in Washington D.C. run by a secretive religious organization. He doesn’t think much of government, but he spent a lot of money to become part of government. He doesn’t mind lying, even if it’s to deny he said something that he really said.

But even we were surprised to see Ensign’s comments about the scandal surrounding U.S. Sen. Larry Craig, who will very likely announce tomorrow that he’s not seeking re-election, due largely to Craig’s guilty plea to disorderly conduct charges after being arrested in a sting targeting people seeking anonymous gay sex in a Minneapolis airport restroom.

(Oh, snap! Even as we were writing that, news broke that Craig will announce his resignation tomorrow! Damn, we are good. We can totally see the future! And in our own, personal future looms … a couch. A TV. And an ice-cold Corona. It’s scary how good we are at this!)

Anyway, here’s what Ensign said:

"I wouldn’t put myself, hopefully, in that kind of position like that but if I was in a position like that, I think that’s [resign] what I would do," Ensign said. "He’s going to have to answer that for himself. I think the pressure will continue to build."

Um, "hopefully"? Ensign "hopefully" wouldn’t put himself in a position like that? Did he really mean to say that he cannot guarantee to his constituents that he won’t be caught trolling for gay sex in airport restrooms? Sure, he hopes he won’t put himself in that position, but hey, things happen, so what are you gonna do?

C’mon, Ensign! Promising to avoid lewd and lascivious charges is the least you can do! You’re vice presidential material now! Do you think they just want you for your looks? (Well, yes, they do: Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson aren’t exactly spring chickens.) But it’s more than that! It’s your church-inspired moralism, too! If you can’t at least guarantee you won’t pull a Craig, or a David Vitter, or a Mark Foley, you’re going to be off the list!

» We see where the Democratic parties in the early primary/caucus states — Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada and South Carolina — are calling on candidates to sign a pledge promising not to campaign in other states that have moved their primaries forward in violation of the rules of the Democratic National Committee.

"I believe the pledge we asked the presidential candidates to sign sends a strong message from Nevada and our early-state companions that the pre-window must be respected," said Nevada’s Democratic Party Chairwoman Jill Derby, in a news release. "We need to bring order, predictability and common sense to the presidential nominating calendar and focus on electing a president who will deal with the ongoing war in Iraq, health care and renewable energy, instead of focusing on selecting dates to hold our nominating contests."

Holy shit! We’re not 100 percent sure, but we think Derby just endorsed Dennis Kucinich! Should she be doing that before the soon-to-be-overlooked Nevada caucus is even held?

Anyway, it seems to us that protesting too much is but more of the deeply felt Nevada Inferiority Complex that crops up around here from time to time. Sending out a pledge (what, it is a one-page form that says "Nevada: Do you like me?" with check boxes for yes and no?) to demonstrate the state’s strength only makes the state look weak. It’s a Zen thing.

Having said that, however, we understand that the campaigns of New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson and U.S. Sen. Joe Biden have already signed the pledge. And we happen to know for 100 percent sure that both Richardson and Biden did it because they love Nevada, and not because they don’t have enough money to run multi-state campaigns at this stage of the nominating process. That totally has nothing to do with it. In fact, we feel silly even having to bring it up.

» What? Jon Porter, the worst person in the world? The entire world? Really? In a world of murderers, ethnic cleansers, religious demagogues, corporate swindlers, e-mail spam businesses, Karl Rove, child abusers, rapists, corrupt public officials, terrorists, Dick Cheney, cell-phone grasping movie talkers and assholes who start shooting on the Strip or in crowded casinos?

Oh, what’s that? MSNBC host Keith Olbermann was commenting on Porter’s claim (allegedly told to him by war-zone commanders) that gas would rise to $9 per gallon if the United States withdrew troops too soon? And he was reminding people that when liberal protests objected that the war was motivated by oil (remember "No Blood for Oil" signs?), Republicans said they were full of it, but now at least one Republican is justifying staying longer because of fears about … not having enough cheap oil?

Well, OK, then.

» We at Various Things & Stuff are well-known for crusading for a living wage. We supported the increase in Nevada’s minimum wage via constitutional amendment, and we applaud the efforts of unions to preserve the besieged middle-class.

That’s why our hearts bled when we read about this Washington, D.C. man who was forced to quit his job in order to find more gainful employment so he could raise his three kids. The man, Tony Snow, was eking out a subsistence-level living on a mere $168,000 per year.

Why, the poor bastard! Who could live on that? We know homeless panhandlers who have it better!

Now, you may argue that the median income in Nevada is $50,819 (according to a three-year average between 2004-2006 as estimated by the U.S. Census Bureau). And the median income in the United States is $48,200. So, technically, Snow was making more than three families who earn either Nevada’s, or America’s, median income. (For that matter, he’s earning what 13 Nevada minimum wage earners make in a year.)

And you may also argue that Snow’s admission that "I ran out of money" is an incredibly arrogant, insensitive and churlish remark, given that his salary is three times the median salary in America. Should all of us making less than Snow run down to the local welfare office and apply for our Tony Snow Income Gap Grants?

And you may further argue that Snow, in his job as White House press secretary, often tried to spin, deceive, insult and cajole the press to prevent them from reporting the truth, so every dollar of that $168,000 was spent for the purposes of evil, untruth and such.

And you’d pretty much be right. We think we’ll just leave it there.

» And finally today, something odd.

The Review-Journal published a correction in today’s newspaper, pointing to an error in an Aug. 23 business story about a company called Meridias Capital. It seems that company no longer underwrites loans.

But when we went to the R-J’s search page to investigate, the paper told us that there were no stories with that name that had been published in the last 14 days, which would include Aug. 23, last Thursday.

We expanded our search to the last six months. Again, no hits.

All of 2007. No hits.

All years. Nothing.

We even went so far as to search every single business section story that had been published on Aug. 23. And we couldn’t find that story on that page, either.

We tried variations on the spelling of "Meridias," thinking either the original story, or the correction, had misspelled the company’s name along with misstating its business. Again, no luck. So we repeated our original search, with the same results.

Has a story disappeared from the R-J’s database? That would be most troubling indeed. But at 5 p.m. today, at least, it simply doesn’t seem to be there.

Any reader out there still have a copy of the print version of the Aug. 23 newspaper? We’d sure be interested in seeing that.

We at Various Things & Stuff pride ourselves on our style. We’re very stylish. Everybody says so. And that’s why we read magazines like GQ, which cool people know is short for Gentleman’s Quarterly. (It’s really a monthly, but whatever. When you’re stylish like us, little things like that aren’t errors; they’re quirks!)

Anyway, we happened to be in a stylish bistro (OK, it was In-N-Out) perusing the latest issue when we came across a rundown of the most powerful people in Washington, D.C. And you’ll never guess who made No. 2 on the list. That’s right, our very own U.S. Sen. Harry Reid.

Now, we do have to say that the write-up could have been better. First, Reid’s looked better than he does in this photo. And the actual text that accompanied the story wasn’t super-flattering, either: "He could chose his words more carefully — and put away the cots — but his knowledge of Senate rules and his ability to keep Democrats (Democrats!) aligned make him a far more imposing majority leader than Bill Frist ever was," the magazine said.

Now that’s kind of funny, since we think Reid could be a little looser with his words. President George W. Bush is a liar? He’s a loser? OK, Harry, we’re with you. Now go for it! Say he’s a lawbreaker! A dictator! A warmongering, torture-loving, Geneva Convention-violating, human-rights ignoring junta leader! A shameless demagogue who wipes his ass with the Constitution! Now that’s what we’re talking about!

Oh, wait. Reid never said any of that, did he? That’s right: That was us. Well, feel free to borrow, sir. You may have our words for free.

Oh, and comparing Reid to Bill Frist is hardly challenging. Sen. Robert Byrd’s desk would make a better majority leader than Frist, and, as far as we know, the desk has never been accused of insider trading or claiming a comatose woman was doing fine after simply watching her on videotape. If you want to really make Reid sweat, start comparing him to giants, like, say, Master of the Senate Lyndon B. Johnson. Now that’s tough competition. (By the way, Reid’s opposite number across the aisle, Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, only made No. 11.)

By now you’ve got to be wondering who the most powerful person in Washington, D.C. is. Nope, not Bush. He’s sort of above contests like this, given that he can launch nuclear missiles or have the 82nd Airborne Division bring the pain. We’re talking mere mortals, here. And who among mortals outranked our own Harry Reid?

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, that’s who. GQ notes that, unlike her predecessor, Colin Powell, Bush trusts Rice. Then again, Rice helped him sell the war with totally made-up stories about aluminum tubes and visions of mushroom clouds. Oh, wait. So did Powell, huh? Well, maybe Bush just goes for the chicks.

Rounding out the top 10 are Defense Secretary Robert Gates at No. 3; Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy at No. 4; House Speaker Nancy Pelosi at No. 5; a trio of lobbyists at No. 6 consisting of Wayne LaPierre of the NRA, Billy Tauzin of the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturer’s Association, Bill Novelli of AARP and Howard Kohn of the American-Israel PAC; Vice President Dick Cheney’s new (and thus far unindicted) Chief of Staff David Addington at No. 7; U.S. Sen. Hillary Clinton at No. 8; Karl Rove at No. 9 (with a prediction that his "revenge-oriented electoral mind will be a valuable resource to the eventual GOP nominee"); and CIA Director Gen. Michael Hayden at No. 10.

But Reid wasn’t the only Nevada-connected person on the list. His ex-Chief of Staff Susan McCue, who left Reid’s office to head the ONE Campaign against global poverty and disease, ranked at No. 47. (McCue’s an old hand at power lists; she was a regular feature of Roll Call’s "Fabulous Fifty" congressional staffers, ranking in all four of the newspaper’s power categories.)

"Since taking over in January, she has used her political acumen and connections to elevate ONE’s status in D.C.," the article notes. "So if Congress passes AIDS — or poverty — related legislation or if a presidential candidate so much as mentions those issues, you can be sure that McCue was nearby, convincing Washington’s most powerful that the world’s least need help." Good on her, as our mates down under might say.

Oh, and because we, too, are ink-stained wretches, we cannot help but note the presence of several journalists and associated media types on the list. NBC’s Tim Russert was highest at No. 14; The New Yorker’s Seymour Hersh and the Washington Post’s Dana Priest shared the No. 26 spot; the Post’s Bob Woodward came in at No. 30; David Bradley, owner of the Atlantic Media Co. (publisher of The Atlantic and National Journal) came in at No. 35; Susan Glasser, managing editor for national news at the Post ranked at No. 39; The Atlantic correspondent (and fellow blogger) Andrew Sullivan got No. 46 and political cartoonist Tom Toles was No. 48.

No, we at Various Things & Stuff didn’t place, even on the Up-And-Comers list. But that’s only because we don’t live in Washington, D.C., people! Otherwise, we’d totally have kicked Russert’s ass! (Then again, No. 38 power-lister Tommy Jacomo, executive director of The Palm restaurant, says Russert’s a steak man in a sea of fish men, so more than likely, we’d just eat steak and talk about how stylish we are. Because that’s what us stylish people do.)

Yes, "Las Vegas dodged a bullet" when engineers were able to stop a train that simply rolled away from the yard, right through the center of Las Vegas all the way into North Las Vegas. So, tell us again: Why are we supposed to believe that trains carrying nuclear waste across the country to Yucca Mountain are going to be safe?

We only ask because the nondescript industrial building near McCarran International Airport where we at Various Things & Stuff do our daily typing sits just a few feet from railroad tracks, and we get to see the choo-choos drive by all the time. So, you know, we’re concerned.

» Poor Larry Craig. He (allegedly) attempts to engage in one lewd act, and he gets a reputation! And now all his Republican friends are turning on him, calling for him to quit and whatnot. We’d have some sympathy, but Republicans dish out far worse than they get back, in general, so we’d expect Craig to step down … oh, in about two days or so.

» Gasoline for $9 a gallon? War without end in the Mideast! Wrath-of-God-type stuff! The seas will boil, fire and brimstone will fall from the sky, forty years of darkness, earthquakes, human sacrifice, dogs and cats, living together. Mass hysteria!

Or at least that’s what somebody told U.S. Rep. Jon Porter would happen if we left Iraq too soon. Our view is, when they’re down to arguing that gas will be more expensive, they’ve pretty much hit the bottom of the War Party excuse barrel.

» The Las Vegas Sun wonders what else U.S. Sen. John Ensign may be thinking, but not saying, given that he waited until Attorney General Alberto Gonzales quit before he criticized the guy. We have no insight into Ensign’s mind, but we’re guessing it looks something like this: "I love little doggies."

"For somebody to feel they’re going to testify before the grand jury, they must have a very profound sense of their innocence." – defense attorney (and former prosecutor) Charles Kelly, referring to former Clark County Commissioner Lynette Boggs‘ decision to testify to a grand jury investigating perjury and filing false document charges against her.

Yes, a profound sense of their innocence. Or perhaps faith their their own force of personality might convince grand jurors that an indictment shouldn’t be handed up? Maybe even a little faith in the almighty, that lo, though they walk in valley of the shadow of prison, they shall fear no legal consequences, for the rod and staff of righteousness are available for comfort?

Well, you can forget that. Our colleague Jon Ralston just broke the news that the grand jury decided to indict Boggs.

And here’s the thing: Boggs is most certainly guilty of the charges against her, i.e., she actually lived at an address outside her former commission district while she signed papers saying she lived at another address inside the district. An investigation sponsored by the police and Culinary unions has proven that. So, she should have been indicted.

But Boggs has also never been one to shrink from a fight, from confronting those arrayed against her with force and fury, and not a little bit of fire and brimstone thrown in for good measure. We have no doubt that she still believes God is on her side, and will rescue her from the heathen justice system that now seeks her punishment.

Was not St. Paul freed from prison by an earthquake, after having been wrongly jailed and beaten? Indeed, says the Bible, he was. So why not his servant Lynette, who in her life after the commission has founded a new Christian radio ministry and traveled to Africa to spread the good news of Christ crucified and risen from the dead?

Well, perhaps because unlike St. Paul, Boggs McDonald transgressed against the laws of man, and bore false witness to her own address for the purpose of holding on to a commission seat in a difficult election? And even though her actions may be understandable — she was going through a divorce at the time and most likely didn’t want to live at the small home inside her district with her soon-to-be-ex-husband — what she did was illegal, and she knew, or should have known, it.

The temptation is to invoke Job, the patriarch who suffered at the hands of Satan for no reason other than to prove that God is the creator of the universe and can do what he wills with his creation. But even that isn’t apt; Job, we’re told, was a righteous man before his trials, and his faith was only shaken when his righteousness was repaid with suffering. The upshot of the story is a lesson Boggs should learn, too: There’s nothing fair about life, and even the most righteous people suffer. In the modern translation, shit happens.

No, it seems to us the most apt example is the thief crucified with Jesus on Calvary: He was a sinner who recognized his sin, and found salvation only in his punishment, the consequences of which he had to suffer regardless. But that day, Jesus said, the thief would be with him in paradise.

But for that to be apt, Boggs would have to acknowledge her sin, plead guilty and suffer the consequences. That would be an act of contrition that might just persuade some cynics that there still is such a thing as genuine faith and redemption.

But we haven’t seen it yet. And given the rapidity with which the grand jury handed up that indictment — just one day after hearing Boggs testify in her own behalf — there are reasons more than spiritual for her to consider legal surrender to her fate.

» Speaking of sin and denial, the saga of U.S. Sen. Larry Craig is producing some interesting fallout. After his news conference on Tuesday — "I am not gay. I never have been gay." — all sorts of people are tossing him overboard. People like Mitt Romney, who ejected Craig from his U.S. Senate election committee. People like U.S. Sen. John Ensign, who joined in a call for the Senate Ethics Committee to investigate Craig. And people like Focus on the Family, which took to the airwaves Tuesday to suggest that perhaps it was time for Craig to retire and focus on fixing his moral failings.

Moral failings. Interesting.

Because in Craig’s news conference, reading a prepared statement but taking no questions, the embattled senator also used the word failings. He used it to describe his guilty plea to a charge of disorderly conduct for his suspicious behavior in a Minneapolis airport restroom, a plea he now says he made to make the incident "go away."

And while he repeatedly stressed he had no legal advice prior to pleading guilty, the fact is, Craig was read his rights, and signed off on his plea knowing full well that it entailed him taking responsibility for violating the law. An innocent person so accused couldn’t be kept from demanding he be fully and completely cleared; but Craig admitted he was guilty, freely and of his own volition.

But he’s sorry. Not for the incident. Not for hypocrisy. Not for allegedly lying about what happened. No, he’s sorry for the one thing he did right in the entire situation: Taking responsibility for his actions.

Talk about a failure. We tend to agree with Focus on the Family (for perhaps the first and only time): Craig should quit. But not to focus on the moral failings of his sexuality. He is who he is, whether other people like it or not. He should quit because this incident, and the way he’s handled it, show he lacks the judgment to be in the Senate in the first place.

» Forgive us, readers, for we have erred. On Tuesday, we expressed surprise at the fact that U.S. Sen. John Ensign finally criticized Attorney General Alberto Gonzales only after he finally quit, and then rather tepid criticism at that.

But after reading our colleague Jon Ralston’s column in today’s Las Vegas Sun, in which Ensign details the things that went wrong with Gonzales’ administration of the Justice Department, we remembered something: Ensign is a liar.

See, Ensign once openly admitted that he agreed with pro-war comedian Dennis Miller, who once said that even if he didn’t believe in the war effort, as long as troops were in harm’s way in Iraq, he’d lie and say he did. (We’ve been searching for a better definition of cowardice, but we’re hard pressed to come up with one.)

Consequently, no matter what happens, it’s a good bet that Ensign won’t be telling the truth about his actual feelings, whether about the war, or about Gonzales, or the president, or anything else for that matter. Once a man will admit that he’d lie about something so vital, nothing he says can be believed.

» Ouch, baby. That’s not the way to get buzz with political insiders!

It seems that Review-Journal columnist Jane Ann Morrison’s most recent error (in which she confused "colostomy bag" with something she referred to as a "colonoscopy bag") made The Hotline’s correction of the day. (We’d link, but there’s a hefty subscription fee.)

Speaking objectively, we tend to think that this pseudo-correction to a massively incorrect column, which was supposedly an eyewitness account of a car accident, should get nominated for Correction of the Year. (We dissected the attempted coverup in a previous blog.)

Still, knowing that an Internet search for "colostomy bag" will someday turn up some of your work can’t be easy on any journalist, or columnist, or whatever.

OK, OK! Enough with the lectures! We at Various Things & Stuff know we’re fat! We’re working on it, OK? It’s just that, we love food! All kinds of food! And sometimes, we just can’t help ourselves. It’s totally unnecessary to put stories about Nevada being the 37th most obese state on the front page. That’s just hurtful. We’re working on it!

» Whoa! Stop the presses! A reporter has finally been able to get U.S. Sen. John Ensign to say something negative about now-departed Attorney General Alberto Gonzales! You’ve got to read all the way to the end of the story, but there it is.

"Obviously the way he handed the whole U.S. attorney thing was a complete debacle," Ensign is quoted as saying. "I don’t know if it was a lack of management skills. In that regard I don’t think he served the president or the country well."

What? That’s it? A "lack of management skills"? He didn’t serve the president or the country well? That’s what Ensign thinks was the problem? Of all the things that Gonzales did — including sending people to Capitol Hill who lied right to Ensign’s well-tanned face — that’s what he thinks was the problem?

We’re starting to think this guy really is the next Dan Quayle.

» There’s a lot of obfuscation surrounding the arrest and guilty plea of U.S. Sen. Larry Craig in Minneapolis, on charges of disorderly conduct, after he was arrested in a men’s airport restroom by a police sergeant investigating reports of lewd conduct.

But clarity comes from Talking Points Memo, which acquired and published the actual police report of the incident. From this we learn that:

1.) Craig engaged in conduct that a police officer recognized as similar to that of people who are "wishing to engage in lewd conduct."

2.) When caught, Craig handed his U.S. Senate business card to the cop and asked, "What do you think about that?" If this wasn’t an attempt to get out from under arrest by using his position in government, we don’t what it was.

So, even if Craig’s actions were "misconstrued," as he claims (they weren’t, but whatever) he’s still a douche for trying to pull rank to get out of trouble. And that alone should put his 2008 re-election in serious doubt.

And guess who’s responsible for keeping that seat in the GOP fold? Our very own John "Quayle" Ensign!

» If you don’t get the print edition of the Review-Journal, don’t fret. About 81 percent of your fellow Las Vegans don’t, either. But if you do, turn to page 12A and check out the hilarious ad taken out by the American Civil Liberties Union, complaining that U.S. Sen. Harry Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi aren’t doing enough to restrain the Bush administration from illegally wiretapping phones.

You can also see it on the ACLU’s website, by the way. It’s both funny, and true!

» Another prominent Nevadan joins the Biden bandwagon. The senator from Delaware is unstoppable, we tell you!

» Tourists may like breaking the Seventh Commandment, but our corporate overlord assures that we locals will remain pure. Unless we read CityLife, of course. That’s like getting a first-class ticket to hell!

» District Court Judge Elizabeth Halverson’s lawyers are absolutely right: No judge who initiates ex parte conversations with jurors, falls asleep on the bench during trials or sexually harasses courthouse employees is safe from judicial discipline. But, that’s kind of a good thing, no?

Gov. Jim Gibbons, reacting to the state insurance commissioner’s approval today of the acquisition of Health Plan of Nevada by UnitedHealth Group, expressed concerns about the effects the purchase would have on Nevada residents. The governor’s office released this statement, calling for unspecified consumer protections.

Governor expresses concerns about merger
calls upon attorney general to pursue efforts to PROTECT NEVADA citizens
 
Carson City – Governor Jim Gibbons expressed concerns today about the approved merger between Sierra Health Services and UnitedHealth Group and asked for safeguards to ensure that healthcare in Nevada does not suffer as a result of that merger.

"I am deeply disturbed by some of the potential monopolistic tendencies that can result from this merger and by the constraints in Nevada law that prevented the Insurance Commissioner from acting more forcefully to curb these potential threats," said Governor Gibbons.   "I urge the Attorney General to work with my office to take any and all legal steps to prevent adverse outcomes and will also urge the Justice Department to closely examine the monopolistic potential in their review of this merger.”

Governor Gibbons initiated a series of hearings on the merger and welcomed the input of the public and of the medical and political community.  "During those hearings, I heard many valid concerns about the potential for higher prices or loss of access to medical care if this merger takes place," Gibbons stated.  "While the Insurance Commissioner was able to require some concessions, I am not convinced that we have enough protections for the public at this time.  We need to take additional steps to ensure that Nevadans are not harmed by this merger."

"The free market works best for consumers when safeguards are in place that prevent monopolistic tendencies from hampering competition.  The Nevada Attorney General and the Justice Department need to examine this merger and take all appropriate steps to ensure that Nevada consumers are protected from the potentially negative consequences that can result when competition is greatly reduced," Gibbons added.

Governor Gibbons noted that in other states, mergers of this size have included a number of concessions from the merging companies to ensure that the newly created companies do not take advantage of their increased market share by charging much higher premium rates or by reducing payments to healthcare providers, which can result in a loss of doctors.  For example, when UnitedHealth Group acquired Pacificare Life and Health in California, the insurance commissioner required that the company not pay any dividends to the parent company to ensure that premiums were not raised to cover the merger costs and also required that the company protect consumers by waiving preexisting conditions periods in some circumstances.  In Colorado, UnitedHealth was required to fund a liaison between the medical community and the insurer to address physician concerns caused by a similar merger.

Gibbons noted that healthcare costs and access to health care are major concerns in Nevada, and he pledged to work with the Attorney General and other officials to ensure that all legal safeguards are implemented to protect consumers and providers.

"Both in public hearings and in meetings with advocates and opponents of this merger, I have heard many concerns about this merger’s impact on consumers, as well as advantages to the merger," Gibbons concluded.  "I share many of the concerns, and I will work with other public officials to ensure that we take steps to address them while making sure that we obtain the benefits promised by UnitedHealth."

On the one hand, we’re surprised: We thought that Gibbons had simply called for hearings (and even attended them) simply for show. He’s a Republican, after all, and Republicans usually don’t mind when giant corporations merge to form even larger and more powerful corporations. This statement shows that Gibbons actually does get that near-monopolies created by the vaunted free market aren’t always good.

We don’t know how we’d avoided doing it up until now, but we realized today that we hadn’t signed up for news releases from the Joe Biden for president campaign. That’s why we were mercilessly scooped by our colleague Jon Ralston on the latest Biden presidential news: He’s been endorsed by that guy who ran for president against U.S. Sen. John Ensign.

Anyway, we surfed over to Biden’s campaign website, and located the RIQ, or Release in Question. Here’s the lowdown:

Wilmington, DE (August 27th, 2007) – The Biden for President Campaign is pleased to announce today the endorsement of Jack Carter, the 2006 Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate and son of former President Jimmy Carter. Mr. Carter went public with his support for Biden at a fundraiser last week in Las Vegas in honor of Senator Biden.

"Today my wife Elizabeth and I are announcing our support for Joe Biden in his bid for the Presidency. He was the first Senator to support my Dad in 1975, and he was helpful in my own campaign last year," said Carter. "He is experienced, knowledgeable, affable and humorous. Sen. Biden has entered serious proposals into the debate on many of the issues critical to Americans – and others – today."

"His son, Beau [Biden, newly elected Attorney General of Delaware], put it best to me a couple of months ago: ‘Can you imagine what would happen if Dad came in first or second in Iowa?’ That statement rang in me like a bell. I know how it can work…We did it in 1976."

"With Joe Biden, we don’t have to worry about the problems of lack of experience or high negatives affecting our chances in November 2008. I’m very comfortable that he can win," said Carter.

"Jack Carter is a role model for anyone who has ever thought about public office. In that regard, he takes after his father," said Sen. Biden. "Jack’s support for my campaign will be a tremendous asset to us, not only in Nevada, but in Iowa where the Carter name is revered, as well as around the country, where someone of Jack’s stature will bring real credibility to my campaign."

Now, we’re not entirely sure how helpful Biden was to Jack Carter here in 2006, given that Carter got creamed 55 percent to 41 percent. And this is John Ensign we’re talking about here. He spends more time on the golf course than Tiger Woods. He thinks a "wedge issue" is a short-game technique question. When he hears "trust fund," he doesn’t think Social Security. (You get the idea.)

Anyway, we’ve signed up for Biden releases, so you’ll hear about them first here from now on. On to Iowa! Or is it Michigan? Perhaps Florida? New Hampshire? It’s all just so confusing.

You know, we’ve been thinking. Nevada is certainly getting screwed, big time, in this whole primary schedule thing. We won’t see a single presidential candidate in this town between now and forever if Michigan executes a plan to move its primary to Jan. 15, just four days before Nevada’s Jan. 19 date. And even with the Democratic National Committee’s firm bitch-slap to Florida, which is also angling for an earlier vote, Nevada could still be overlooked.

We’ve got the answer: Nevada should hold its primary on Wednesday.

Yeah, this Wednesday. Sept. Aug. 29.

First, this would allow Nevada to be first in the nation, stealing that traditional honor from Iowa and totally punking those state-fair-going, corn-raising, agrarian-lifestyle-living hicks. Boo-yah! Second, we wouldn’t have to endure another 1,231 visits from candidates of all parties, like all the other states. We could enjoy the rest of our summer and the start of the fall TV season in peace, without phone calls, TV ads or door-to-door canvassing. And third, we’d prove that a two-year runup to the White House isn’t really necessary. Cool people can make up their minds quick.

So, what do you say, Nevada Democrats? Lunchtime good for you?

» U.S. Sen. Harry Reid, who is friends with some really bad people, took some money from a corrupt former senator, Bob Torricelli from New Jersey. You remember these two, right? Reid donated $500 to Torricelli’s legal defense fund, and then balked at stepping aside as chairman of the Senate Ethics Committee looking into Torricelli’s behavior. Yeah, they go way back.

» You know how you can tell that Mississippi’s Gulf Coast has fully recovered from the ravages of Hurricane Katrina? Because a bunch of people are losing money in casinos there, that’s how! And when American Gaming Association President Frank Fahrenkopf says something like this — "Let’s face it, the casinos are the economic engine in Biloxi and Gulfport and reopening helps in the recovery." — you know he’s leaving town with somebody’s balls in his pocket.

» Live women’s football, or Face to Face with Jon Ralston? Jeff Simpson votes for the latter. But how about this: The Las Vegas women’s football team ON Face to Face with Jon Raslton? Tough questions, direct sacking of the host! It makes basic cable worthwhile, if you ask us.

» The Review-Journal’s solution for the "problem" of feeding homeless people in city parks? Privatize the parks, of course! That way, the private owners could just kick homeless people out. You know, to the nearby private streets, where those owners could also kick them out. You know, down to private social service agencies, where, if they refused to comply with searches and other rules, they could be kicked out… to where exactly?

» If U.S. Reps. Jon Porter and Dean Heller think the pressure’s off on Iraq, they’re’s wrong. A group of protesters is planning "Take A Stand Day," for Tuesday, with a public town hall meeting on Iraq that will urge the Republican congressmen to vote to get troops out of Iraq. Of course, Porter isn’t going to be at the event; organizers will set up an empty chair for him, all Elijah-like.

The key question: With America running low on troops to deploy to the war zone, and no end in sight from the president, what if America has to turn to the draft?

The event will run from 6:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. Tuesday at the Local 159 Painters Union Hall at 1701 Whitney Mesa Drive, Suite 20, in Henderson.

Thanks to an alert reader — and the Associated Press, via the Las Vegas Sun — we’ve just learned that Gov. Jim Gibbons‘ director of communications, Brent Boynton, is quitting to return to journalism. Boynton, who spent 28 years in journalism before signing on to Gibbons’ staff in 2006, will become the main news anchor and assistant news director at KOLO Channel 8, the ABC affiliate station in Reno.

"I got another offer, an offer I couldn’t refuse," Boynton said, responding to a question about whether he wanted out of his job, according to the AP dispatch. (Um, maybe KOLO is the Mafia-affiliated station in Reno?)

But of course Boynton wanted out of his job! Being a news anchor, assistant news director, and working at a bookstore, Starbucks and McDonald’s part-time while also going back to school to get a Ph.D. at the same time he was volunteering 100 hours a week to help orphans would still be a less work-intensive job than explaining the myriad mistakes of Jim Gibbons to skeptical journalists! Boynton’s stress-free days are here, baby!

This does raise some journalism ethics questions, however. Obviously, Boynton is biased towards Republican governors who may or may not have left certain offices with certain briefcases and pants pockets weighted down with cash and casino chips. Will he recuse himself from covering crime news, we wonder? Because it sure seems like he’s got a soft spot for remorseless lawbreakers!

UPDATE: Here’s the official news release, complete with the odd avoidance of capital letters in the headline.

communications director brent boynton to return to television news

 “AS A 28-YEAR VETERAN OF TELEVISION NEWS AND A FORMER EIGHT-YEAR EMPLOYEE OF KOLO-TV, THIS MOVE MAKES ME FEEL AS IF I’M GOING HOME” 
 
Carson City—Governor Jim Gibbons’ communications director, Brent Boynton, has resigned to become anchor and assistant news director at KOLO-TV, the ABC affiliate in Reno.  He will assume the main anchor role held for nearly four decades by anchorman Tad Dunbar, who retired last month.  Boynton’s last day in the governor’s office will be September 7th.
 
“Brent’s professionalism and loyalty will be missed by my administration and all those who have had the opportunity to work with him as communications director.   I thank him for his dedicated service to the state and wish him the best of luck at Channel 8 and in all future endeavors.  I know many people are looking forward to seeing him on the air again, and Dawn and I are among them,” said Governor Jim Gibbons.
 
“It has been an honor serving Jim Gibbons as he has served the people of Nevada—in Congress, as a candidate and now as governor,” Boynton said.  “He is a good man who inspires his staff.  I have enjoyed the opportunity to work for him and to work with talented and dedicated coworkers.  However, Channel 8 made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.  As a 28-year veteran of television news and a former eight-year employee of KOLO-TV, this move makes me feel as if I’m going home.”
 

 

"Once or twice each calendar year, justice does prevail." – Detective Andy Sipowitz, NYPD

And today, friends, is that day. As you’ve no doubt heard and read by now, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has decided to resign. What President George W. Bush’s enabling couldn’t do, the weight of reality has finally done.

(For that matter, the pathetic enabling of our own U.S. Sen. John Ensign was for naught as well. Even assuming that Ensign really did believe — despite all evidence to the contrary — that Gonzales still had the ability of leading Main Justice, the political winds were blowing too hard for Gonzales to stay. You’d think a potential vice presidential candidate would know that.)

In the end, the situation is clear: Gonzales was a political hack whose fealty to Bush over the Constitution resulted in some truly dangerous and awful things happening in American society, and it’s good that he’s going. Would that it would have been sooner, and for reasons other than his political ineptness.

Too harsh? Let’s do the mini-resume: Gonzales opined that habeus corpus was not a personal right, although it clearly is; he opined that Bush could wage war against Iraq without congressional authorization; he wrote a memo — later rescinded — that said Bush could ignore domestic and international laws against torture in the name of national security; he tried, as White House counsel, to get ailing former Attorney General John Ashcroft to bless a warantless wiretapping program conceived by the president; he either presided over, or was criminally negligent of, the firings of several U.S. attorneys, some of whom were either prosecuting Republicans or failing to prosecute Democrats; he very likely lied under oath to Congress about his conduct in that matter; he allowed, by design or negligence, several underlings to consider political affiliations in hiring decisions at the Justice Department; he helped Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney install the warantless wiretapping program that abridges critical Fourth Amendment rights.

Whew. There was more than we thought.

So what did Bush say? That Gonzales is a man of "integrity, decency and principle," that he "aggressively and successfully pursued public corruption" (we think the president meant the prosecution of public corruption, but who can be sure?) and that he was the victim of "unfair treatment."

The only unfair treatment related to Gonzales was what he dished out, to the fired U.S. attorneys, and to the Constitution itself. Good riddance.

"I don’t recall." – Gonzales, under oath, to Congress. A lot.

U.S. Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., dropped by Las Vegas on Thursday to sign copies of his new book and meet the press in the form of Face to Face with Jon Ralston. Let’s just say that Biden did a lot better than Republican Mitt Romney on Ralston’s show. (Romney is once again trying to make political history by holding every possible position on the abortion issue simultaneously.)

Anyway, the damn conservative media is at it again. Of all the photos the Review-Journal could possibly have run of Biden, they chose this one. In it, Biden looks angry, like he’s about to kick somebody’s ass at Border’s, where his book signing was held. (We’d have guessed that Biden was reacting to a question from political reporter/gossip columnist Molly Ball, who is known to ask about who politicians are dating, but the story was written by Paul Harasim.)

Clearly, the R-J is threatened by Biden’s common-sense approach to problems, like his idea of dividing Iraq into three regions for the crazy people who believe Muhammad’s cousin-in-law should have been the first Caliph, the crazy people who believe that it was right to appoint Muhammad’s good buddy Abu Bakr as the first Caliph and the Kurds. After all, if they can’t play nice, they should be sent to their rooms, or regions of the country, as the case may be.

So, they find a photo of the one moment that Biden was looking angry, and publish that. Typical conservative media, always giving us a skewed picture of reality according to their own political beliefs. Unlike us here at Various Things & Stuff. We’re all about the truth. And stuff.

» Having said that, the R-J editorial page has joined with us in demanding that, if Republic Services wants to change its twice-weekly trash pickup, it should have to renegotiate its unusually long franchise agreement. (The R-J also followed us in predicting that, of a trio of options being studied in a "pilot program," the one that lets Republic reduce trash pickups to once weekly will be the one that’s recommended.) C’mon, Clark County. Everybody agrees you shouldn’t give away the store again!

» Now do you people see why we wanted to punch Jerry Lewis in the face? It’s because he’s an asshole!

» So a bunch of politicians get together to talk about Yucca Mountain (boooooring!) and they don’t invite Gov. Jim Gibbons? Was it a political slight? Do they not think the governor is an important player on the issue?

Oh, no, says U.S. Sen. Harry Reid, who criticized Gibbons over a decision to let the Energy Department use state water in order to drill holes to prove that Yucca isn’t going to be America’s next big environmental disaster. (The state later said the federal government couldn’t use the water, sparking a lawsuit.)

According to the Review-Journal, "Gov. Jim Gibbons spokeswoman, Melissa Subbotin, said to her knowledge the governor wasn’t invited although Reid said Gibbons was represented on the panel by Nuclear Projects Agency chief Bob Loux and the attorney general."

Oh, but that’s the rub! Gibbons isn’t represented by Loux or Attorney General Catherine Cortez Masto! They correctly told the governor he should turn off the water long before he actually did. And it took us two weeks of repeated e-mails to get the governor’s staff to admit that he was doing his own thing, legally speaking.

No wonder they didn’t invite Gibbons. He’d have probably ended up giving himself more legal advice and personally digging some test wells at Yucca Mountain. And burying cash and casino chips in them. You know, for safekeeping while the nosy feds are poking around.

» "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it," — Proverbs 22:6. Somehow, we don’t think this is what the author had in mind. Damn capitalists.

» Now that’s a new one. Actually reading the e-mails and comments people send in? We never thought of that. Frankly, it seems like a lot of work to us. That’s why we have our most malevolent, misanthropic, Tourette’s-afflicted intern answer all of our e-mails.

OK, who didn’t see this one coming? U.S. District Court Judge Robert Jones has ruled that the city of Las Vegas’ ordinance that bans feeding homeless people in city parks is unconstitutional, as well as totally stupid. (Actually, we made up that last part, but we’re sure the judge could find a case or two that supports our conclusion.)

The judge found a couple other portions of the ordinance — a ban on gatherings of more than 25 people, the ability of the city to ban certain people from city parks and the ability to designate a park for children only — are OK, but the American Civil Liberties Union has vowed to appeal to the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.

OK, for all the money: What do you think the 9th Circuit is going to say about all of this? Anybody? If you guessed "kill those laws like Michael Vick kills puppies," you’re on the right track. You’re also incredibly insensitive to animals.

» Whatever you do, never, ever buy a used car from Scott Adams. No, not the Scott Adams who created the Dilbert cartoons. He’s cool, and plus, his used cars are probably Jaguars or Bentleys. No, we’re talking about the Scott Adams who is director of the city’s Office of Business Development.

Remember when we told you that the city had installed a series of $3,600 historical marker plaques in downtown sidewalks, some of which contained lies? It seems city staffers did a little Internet research to jazz things up, but in the process introduced inaccuracies.

Well, Adams’ solution is to install yet more plaques, identifying the information on the original plaques as "fun facts." You know, like this: "Hey, these plaques in the sidewalk? They’re full of shit. Isn’t that fun? It’s like we took the truth, and then changed it to make it not true. Woo-hoo! This sure is fun, huh?"

Anyway, members of the Historic Preservation Commission — being grown-ups and all — don’t really see things the way Adams does. "That’s not a disclaimer; that’s an endorsement," said member Bob Stoldal, the commission’s chairman, of Adams’ "solution."

Hell, if Adams sold you a car, it would probably have a sticker inside the trunk that said "This is really just a ‘fun car.’ Otherwise, it would actually have an engine in it! Ha!"

» Man, Gov. Jim Gibbons just can’t seem to get his campaign finances straight. He’s been fined $2,000 by the Federal Elections Commission, which overlooked other counts that could have resulted in an ever larger fine.

In fact, Gibbons’ violations go all the way back to 1994, when he had to return $120,000 that exceeded campaign finance limits, a penalty he suffered again last year, when he had to give back $11,000.

Oh, that’s the problem: Gibbons said back in 1994 he thought the state law was different than the federal law, and since he obeys neither, he accidentally took too much. Ooopsie!

UPDATE: Sorry, readers. It turns out that we were wrong when we reported that Gibbons was fined $2,000 by the Federal Election Commission for an illegal PAC donation to his Silver State Leadership Fund. In fact, he was required to return the illegal donation to its source.

» Heh, heh: We just noticed that, in the Review-Journal, the story right next to the Gibbons campaign finance story is about a woman being pulled from a burning car in a garage. We could totally make a joke right now about Gibbons, women, garages and burning passions, but we won’t. That would just be uncool. But totally funny.

» C’mon, people! Stop bothering poor Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney about the ancient history of his peculiar Mormon faith. Who cares about faked archeology, "plural marriage," or that 1857 incident in which some Mormons killed a bunch of Arkansas pioneers in Utah? Water under the made-up bridge, baby!

Instead, let’s focus on the fact that the church officially discriminated against black people right up until 1976, which was during Romney’s lifetime. How the hell does he justify that? (Don’t forget, Romney isn’t just a parishioner; he was a church leader, too.)

» Yeah, baby. Very yeah: Our colleague Erin Neff calls out Republic Services for trying to pull a fast one. We especially like the part where Neff notes that Republic promised twice weekly trash pickups in order to juice in its long franchise agreement, and now that it has the trash contract for a few more decades, it wants to change things in order to raise profits.

County, it’s time to make them put up or go out to bid for another RFP! Who’s with us?

» Great. A state-owned holding company for the Arab government of Dubai — Dubai World — buys a minority stake in MGM Mirage. Can nobody see this is a huge security risk? Do we really want those people to obtain our sophisticated slot-player club technology? Next thing you know, they’ll want to run the ports or something….

» Hey, you know that battle the Las Vegas Sun was having with the university system, which was illegally holding back conflict-of-interest forms that are supposed to be filed by professors who do outside work? Yeah, funny thing: The university’s ignoring of the Open Records Law doesn’t really matter, since nobody was filing the (required) forms anyway.

» So, let’s see if we can get this straight: University Chancellor Jim Rogers decided to withdraw a pledge of $3 million for a science and math building at the University of Nevada Reno after Regent Ron Knecht questioned his integrity during a recent employee review process?

See, this is the problem when the boss (ostensibly the regents) tries to manage the employee (Rogers) who is also filthy rich and a huge donor. And its not the first time it’s happened, either, although Rogers later reversed himself and restored a $25 million donation he’d pulled from UNLV.

But this conflict was easily foreseeable, before and after Rogers volunteered/barnstormed his way into the job in 2004. And when asked about the potential for conflicts between his university job and his philanthropy, then private-citizen Rogers said simply: "I would never stop giving. You can’t do that."

Oh, apparently you can.

Can we have a private word here, Mr. Chancellor? Just between us? It seems that taking back money from UNR is a little harsh, even if Knecht did question your integrity. But just because Knecht is a total dick doesn’t mean the science and math students at UNR should suffer, does it? They didn’t elect him to be a regent, did they? And seriously, nobody pays any attention to Knecht anyway, unless it’s to rank him as the worst lawmaker in the state, bar none. And you’re right, he’s probably just sore that you gave $20,000 to his opponent in the last election.

But this sets a bad example, no? Taking ones’ ball and going home? Doesn’t that in a way prove at least one of Knecht’s criticisms? We know you’re better than that! Give the money back to UNR, and do what the rest of us do: Ignore Knecht!

U.S. Sen. Harry Reid has been on a jihad of late against new coal-fired power plants being built in Nevada. Instead, the Senate majority leader says, we should be focusing on alternative sources of energy, like wind, solar, geothermal, biomass and the like.

It’s not that we support coal-fired power plants. We’d love it if the entire world ran on solar power and cold fusion reactors, frankly. But Reid has failed utterly to explain how Nevada Power or anybody else can generate the necessary amount of electricity using renewables, without driving costs through the roof. Until he does — and until he explains why he’s willing to give mining a pass on its green responsibilities while holding the power company to a different standard — wethinks he’s got a credibility gap.

Well, it was worth a try. We did our best to warn Clark County against capitulating to its longtime trash franchisee, Republic Services, and that company’s request for a trio of "pilot programs," ostensibly fielded to increase recycling in the valley.

But no: With the exception of Commissioners Chris Giunchigliani and Tom Collins (and with Commissioner Bruce Woodbury absent) the board Tuesday approved the programs, all of which were recommended by something called the Southern Nevada Recycling Advisory Commission.

Actually, the recycling advisory commission lived up to its name, given that at least one of the pilot programs was itself recycled from last year, when it was voted down due to overwhelming opposition from residents. That’s green politics, baby!

But, just as we predicted, it was back on the agenda, and with less fanfare this time around, it got the nod.

There are three plans to be tested. In one, the trash will still be picked up twice a week (the current requirement under Republic’s franchise agreement with Clark County) and recycling pickups will be made every other week. In another, trash will be picked up twice a week, with recycling picked up once a week. And in the third, trash will only be picked up once a week, and recycling will be picked up weekly, too.

That last option was the one that riled most people up last summer, since malodorous trash sitting in your garage for an entire week in the baking summer heat is not something most people want to experience. But we suspect that’s the option that Republic wants most of all. So, our prediction is that this is the one that will be found successful once these "pilot programs" land.

Proof? Giunchigliani and Collins wanted to drop that option, given the outrage that greeted it a year ago. But the majority of the commission decided otherwise. Big surprise.

Now, you may read the Review-Journal’s story on the subject (linked above) and get the idea that Republic is simply an innocent bystander in this whole process. Republic Area President Bob Coyle even says, "We committed to the county to do whatever is necessary to help them with the pilot programs," Coyle said.

Oh, really? Well, that’s awfully nice of him, isn’t it? Until you realize that Republic is a driving force in the debate, and was represented the recycling task force, too. As Coyle also said, "we are in business to make profit."

Ah, but the business they’re in is a franchise agreement granted by local governments, which means getting the best deal for the public should be the county’s goal, not ensuring Republic makes money. Reducing twice-weekly trash pickups will undeniably help the company make money, but will also not be in the public’s best interests. Moreover, it’s a significant change in the franchise agreement that Republic sought from the county.

The solution is simple: Re-open the franchise agreement, and put out an RFP to other trash companies to see if they can get taxpayers a better deal. Maybe Brand X can do twice weekly trash pickups and weekly recycling? Who knows, until you ask?

Which brings us to the unfortunate last paragraph of the R-J’s story: "Commissioners said that the franchise contract with Republic will not need to be reopened at this point."

Oh, it won’t? How convenient. For Republic.